Wall up

Had this great short talk with a friend and YES! Need my wall up.

I guess lately I've been thinking of installing a window, just to see how's the world outside after 4 years of carefully putting up brick by brick, layers and layers of cement.

Even thinking of installing a door to welcome people in. But I installed a window for people to look in.

And I'm feeling insecure now. Got myself some brick and slowly putting them back.

Am I ready for people to come in and mess up my house again?

Is this person a hygienic person who'll clean up his own mess or not mess up my place?

Is he even willing to come in and have a seat? I don't know. And Ping Ping hates uncertainties.

Uncertainties top in her hate list.

*slowly drawing herself out* kthxbye.

Remind self :

You were once a strong wall that I lean on whenever I feel weak. I relied on you to boost my confidence, to acknowledge my existence and to support me. I relied on you so much that whenever something happened, I will run to you for support. Then one day, without warnings or signs or whatsoever, you walked away and I fall hard. I fell so hard, I couldn't stand up on my own. It took me courage, strength and determination to slowly find myself back and stood proudly on my own two feet. I told myself that I will not lean completely on a wall ever again. I've been more cautious on the steps I take, the walls I put my hands on and the road I choose. Even if you look like a strong wall once again, I swear I will never lay my hands on you.

May 2007

Found a better wall to lean on ever since. A wall that will not crumble on me, a wall that will stay firm.

ps: Pardon me for swearing at that time. I was a young girl =P

Dreaming much?

One of those dreams that you do not want to wake up.

Or perhaps I'm just tired.

Sometimes I wish this dream is real. It feels real to me. Some is saying that it's not a dream, some is saying, don't put your hopes high.

Well, if dream is the best I can get, I shall treasure and hold on to that.

Each time I feel that I'm happily floating in the air, I'll get snap back to reality.

Welcome home, they say. Welcome home.

ps: On the contrary, I'm HAPPY to go home. Away from home for.......2 weeks *hide* don't throw rocks at me, look at their poor lil face, it hurts them as much as it hurts me.

Home + Family = ♥

Steamboat craving satisfied

*rubs tummy* chicken ball overdose.

Laughter overdose.

Fear overdose (of guards that will ronda bangunan).

Sleep deprived.

But still, ♥.

It was random, but it happened. For once.

Now I got something crazy that I've done in uni life that I can fill in the blanks.

Thanks for the four other awesome people who joined me in this craze.

Stop misleading me

It kills inside when that someone you secretly likes mislead you with 1001 things.

And you really want to crawl into his/her mind to find out what's really running inside there.

Knowing very well that you'll never be able to do that, it kills, slowly but surely.

And he/she goes on to mislead you.

If you don't mean it, stop it. Really. We appreciate that.

Life is a neverending learning process

Learnt today that guys will always be guys and no matter how close you are with them, you just cannot treat them like they are your girl friends. You need to be careful of what you say, what you do and how close you are with them.

We are still living in the era where it's not okay for a girl and a guy be good buddies without getting stares and whispers from people, where a girl and a guy are impossible to be JUST friends.

Sometimes it's so tiring living according to what people think and what people say. But this is life. Life is not just about us. Life includes many other people in it and so, I guess, it's okay if we feel restricted. We are not living on our own sweet little island.

Note to self, talk less to guys, it saves lots of troubles.

Raindrops keep falling on my head

2nd week of not being a PBSM.

=) Friend has been bugging me and asking me why I'm still here. I actually got things to do. Yup, Ping Ping actually chooses to stay here and not go back. Ok la, probably part of the reason is that I'm afraid of driving home la.

Afternoon was emo hour. Got over it and now I'm bubbly and jumpy again. Can't wait to camwhore tomorrow =)

Been raining like mad since yesterday night. And my bed got wet again. *drags bed away from window* I DID NOT WET MY BED K? The rain did. I is a good girl with strong bladder.

Have to be awake at 6am tomorrow morning. *crawls to bed* Nice weather to sleep in too. *tuck self into bed*

Night night.

Crushed

One day I'm so hopeful about life, so positive about everything

and suddenly, the next day, I'm on the verge of crying and telling myself I'm good for nothing and useless.

It's all about self-confidence. I allow people to define me. I allow people to tell me if I'm pretty or ugly, smart or stupid, capable or incapable. I allow people to go into my brain and tell me nasty things.

I am easily discourage, hard to encourage. Because I never believe in myself. I miss Uncle Sunny. I miss someone telling me I'm smart even when I don't feel I am.

Time to turn to the BIG MAN up there, He knows why He create me and I'm not created out of accident or out of pure fun. I was created because He knows what's my purpose. He enables me to do things. The moment I tell myself I cannot do it, I'm telling people and myself that God is not able to guide me to do it.

*wipes tears* =)