My Love Cupid

is nowhere to be seen. Hehe. Yes. My love cupid got lost or something i guess. Or perhaps another love cupid accidentally struck mine and she needs to be hospitalized or something. So yea, a valentine-less year this year. =) Anyway, so fast, one year has passed. I still remember how I was sitting at home doing nothing *well,its like a routine already =P * and just pass this day just like any other day. Today was nothing much different either. I went to school, drowsy as usual and then off school!!! Then my friends came to visit and we took a few pics.. Then its time to go to the field. We ran 400,100, lompat jauh and lontar peluru. I manage to get 2 marks out of 8 . XD

Then my mum fetch me to get some ribbons for my hair. I love them and maybe I will go to get some more tomorrow. Probably will ask my aunt to bring me. Then it'll be free again and I can have different colours to match my clothes. Isn't it cool? I fell in love with ribbons and tying my hair. I don't know why. Anyway, talking about my love cupid, my friend asked me a few questions about love. Apparently, she was quite impressed and shock when she heard my answer to my teacher's question which is about my husband and his affair. I told her that I will choose to befriend the secretary because we should always keep our enemies close. That is what I learnt from my sister and I really do see point to it. It's always better to go the soft and unexpected way isn't it? We can also keep our image clean.

Adakah patut? Cheng Ling said she was shock that I actually sounded wise. She never expect me to be wise as I am always gila-gila and laughing for some lame reason in class all the time. So she started pouring lots of 'what if' questions to me. The first one was about what if she has a best friend and a boyfriend and her best friend and boyfriend fall for each other. Should she give them her blessing and let go? For me, it is almost impossible to let go and act like you are very generous. Firstly, its because when you still have a feeling to your boyfriend, it is really hard to let go and even worst, to see him with your best friend. Furthermore, if your boyfriend and best friend really cares for you, they will not be together right after you let go. If they can be together even if they know deep down inside, you hurt very badly, they are not true to you. But well, Ah Shan told me what if they don't know? Well, I would say that they will be dumb not to know that someone would hurt because of their action and I am sure friends will try to control their feelings if they really care for you. If I were that friend, I will not accept that guy at all. Firstly its because I won't want to hurt my friend and secondly, if that guy can fall for me while he is with my friend, how sure am I that he won't do the same to me? Well, I do think I can do that though. I mean leave that guy so that he will be happier cause I find it rather ridiculous to hang on his body but not his heart. Perhaps I will suffer, perhaps he would to. But after 1 month or 2 months or 1 year, time will heal the wound and we can still be friends. Some people will think, why do that when we know that both parties will be suffering. To me, these sufferings is just a short term one. Furthermore, its best to leave when we still don't hate each other. I would not want to hang on until one day, he started to hate me or vice versa. I want to keep that beautiful memories in me forever. Some may think that I am very stupid but that's how I feel and think.

Wow. Just one question done? Let me talk bout the second question from Ah Shan. She ask me what if my friend and I like the same guy and my friend started to hasut that guy and talk bad bout me. Firstly, I should kill myself for being so blind to still think of her as a friend (literally). Secondly, I would think that the boy would be rather stupid to believe her as he should get to know me through me and not some lame friend who talks bad bout me. I mean isn't it weird that one friend is telling another guy how horrible her friend is? Common sense would tell you that SOMETHING IS WRONG SOMEWHERE. Furthermore, he should not only listen to one person. He should get to know me from other people, understand me himself and also, love me for me. If he choose my friend because of some lame hasuts, I should kill myself again for liking him at the first place. After that, just move on. =P

Besides that, Ah Shan also asked what if I fall for my friend's boyfriend? I would say that I will just tell myself its just a crush and he is not available. Like there is no other guy in the whole wide ugly world? Furthermore, friend's boyfriend is a total no-no. Like I can't take coconut and I don't crave for them cause I know its wrong to eat them. The same goes to guys. If I know it is wrong, I won't feel like wanting him anymore. Plus, it is just a tepuk sebelah tangan relationship.
Just leave that happy couple alone would ya?

Cheng Ling pula ask me which one would I choose? Option A, a guy who is much older than I am(5-10 years older), option B, a guy who is younger than I 'bout a year or two and option C, a guy who is my age or a year or two older. My answer is........ A no doubt. At least for now. I used to think guys who are 4 years older are OLD. That was when I was 16 years old. Then when I am 17 or 18, I realized, 4 years isn't that bad. I won't mind the age as long as we love each other, we are not hurting anyone in the process, he loves me a lot, and we lead a healthy relationship. Who cares if he is like 26 or 28? I would say that all three options are not a problem in a healthy relationship. However, I would prefer option A. I seem to believe and think that guys who are our age or a year or two older tend to be a little bit childish. Not to say all and not to say that I am not childish but I do see many couples suffering cause their boyfriend play too much. Please don't ask me to define play and don't be angry for my statement. That is just my thoughts. In addition to them being more matured, they would know how to treat their girlfriend better and they would probably takes care of the girlfriend better. This is again a very subjective matter so yes, that is my conservative thoughts. So don't question my choice, please.

That's all for tonight. I am rather tired and happy valentines day to everyone. Love you guys a lot *my friends*

The Difference Between Wonderful Friends and "Wonderful Friends"

Yesterday, after the cookout competition in school, I went out with my close friends. A friend of mine whom I once always cari pasal with her came to fetch me and Win. Don't ask me what happened. We were young, rebellious and damn stubborn. At least I was. Anyway she fetched us and I was pratically talking throughout the whole journey. Mind you, I am really born to talk. Some people may find me rather irritating and annoying. But I just can't help myself. What can I do? So back to the shopping part. We reached there and then meet up with other friends. Although there is a slight discomfort due to a sacarstic remark from one of the friend there, I manage to keep my heads up and stay cool. I am not gonna burst because of some stupid remark, will I? I guess she still can't accept my nature of being talkative. Like I care. I just wanna remain okay-friends with someone who can't accept me for me. Some of my friends were hungry so we proceeded to Wong Kok for lunch. Gee Kin came and join us.So we walked in queens for sometime and decided to give SL a visit. She works in S-Vogue. Her hair is much nicer now and she looks like a puppy. Hehe. Whoever with permed hair looks like a puppy to me. Especially if she got a small face.

After that we hang around longer, shopping for CNY clothings and then we go to MCD for some snack. That was our dinner. We took some lawak photos in Queens with the assistance of June's bf. He was a lil grumpy but fun towards the end. After that, Win and I followed HS's car while the rest went into LL's car. We didn't know June and BH was following LL. If we knew bout it, We would definitely bring Yuh Jen with us. Before that, HS, Win and I went to see some fashion show by MOTIVI and we saw PARIS AIS PHILLIPS!! then we went to the seaside and take loads of pictures. Really a lot!! Had so much fun and my legs are aching. But I had fun and that's what matters isn't it?

Nothing can beat crazy moments with highschool friends. I love emmoes cuz we can have fun just about anywhere. Well, almost all. I love Win cuz she can endure my laugh a lot and talk a lot nature. June and Win can actually teman me to do those. While Jen and HS are rather quiet but still very fun to mix around. They are stylish and although I've had my fair share of problems with HS, I still enjoy having her around. No one is perfect, so am I. Whereas for Diana, she is my serious topic partner and also gossip partner. SL is always the quieter one but she can be crazy too at times. I enjoy her company. LL is a super daring driver and I really need to learn driving from her. I never thought she has that much courage. YL is rather gila now compared to last time and I love her. Angeline is my paling lama one friend, no matter how old we became, I am sure we can still hang out. Ju-Yen on the other hand is my gila artiste partner. We often saw each other chasing artiste. Although I admit there's still slight awkwardness between us, we still can act like nothing happened and talk to each other. I guess I should learn to let go those bad moments. Friendship is full of ups and down. So is life isn't it?

NOTE : To see the difference between wonderful friends and "wonderful friends", read the previous post bout Aren't 'Friends' Wonderful? . My conclusion is, wonderful friends makes you happy and "wonderful friends" makes you sick. Wonderful friends do not use you while its not the case with "wonderful friends"

Aren't 'friends' wonderful?

Friends are suppose to be wonderful aren't they? I mean not all friends are perfect, make that no one. No one is perfect and I am not looking for a perfect friend. But at least give me a friend who respects me as a person and not as a device or computer that is there to help you to do things. I hate the feeling of being taken for granted and treated like maid or something. And don't come acting cute to me. I hate that. The scenario is like this :- One friend asked for my help. I stopped talking to him for a few months and suddenly, he messaged me and ask me to check for him why his callertunes not working. Its the way he approached me that made me feel a little bit used.

He just send a message that goes " Can help me check why my callertunes not working?"

After months of not keeping in contact, isn't it a little rude to ask just like that without a single hie? Of course, being a very fussy and this-wrong-that-wrong type of person as I am, nothing he does will make up to it because if he starts beating around the bush with other things before asking for my help, I will think of him just the same. So yea, nothing really works to me. Haha.. Anyway, after checking that everything will be fine, he asked me to buy callertunes. I was tired and asked him to wait till today. So yea, I did for him and I ended up doing for his friend too which I think was rather out of my duty because I know nuts 'bout the friend. And again, being the kind person as I am, I agreed and help. Seriously, deep down inside, I am very angry and is planning to charge him. But no, of course I didn't do that. Friends don't kira-kira one. That is of course if he is still my friend. Since I have enough things on my head to think about already, I shall forget bout this and continue to do my certs which if I can't print at home,still manage to go to my aunt's house to do it. Shall continue throwing my fire all over here when I am free. A busy person don't even have time to actually throw their anger. No wonder so many people busy until they go cuckoo. Lol.

Wonders Of The World.

Note: We should respect people the way we want them to respect us and never ever treat people like some useless crap. On the second thought, someone is treating me like that and I began to lose the faith and reason to still be his friend. But I can't say no when he ask for my help. Mind you, he only comes to me when he needs me to help him and let me tell you. That feeling sucks and I can't do anything bout it. Call me silly but I do it because I hate to turn people down. Not because of anything else that you might think of.

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Well..Most of the wonders of the world are those that make the world proud like the 7 wonders of the world.. Make that 8 including me. =P However, the wonders of the world that I want to talk about is not something that make us proud. Those wonders of the world that I am talking about is the beggars and the syndicate behind it. I went Farlim Pasar Malam last night to just shop around and wash my eyes. Shopping is suppose to be an activity whereby we enjoy every single minute and second of it, even if we don't get anything. But why do some people just have to ruin it? There were 3 beggars,crawling and practically doing some "commander-crawl" on the floor and "kao tao-ing" to people so that people will give them some money. The "wonderful" part to this is that they actually have the exact same pose,same way of asking money and they appear at the same area, at the same time. Coincidence? No? I don't think so. They can actually be at the night market site although they can't walk (well,I did mention they crawl right?) and there's lots of drain everywhere. How can someone who can't walk cross those drains and roads? Don't give me bullshit ideas like they can crawl all the way there or passers-by help them. I don't buy that. I believe there is a syndicate behind all these and they amputate these people so that they can get donations from other people.

Some people say that even the amputation are fake. I chose to believe that they are real and these unfortunate people are being abused or exploited to work for these cruel creature. The floor were full of dust,rubbish, and worst still, rocks. How can they treat a human like that? Even by walking there, I got my whole feet dirty with the dust. How can you want them to smell those dust? Is it right to do so? Isn't it against the law? Why aren't the police do something 'bout it? What are those people doing? I am sure someone would have seen who brought these people to the site. Surely someone witness this whole incident. Why aren't we doing anything to help them? Isn't it one of the wonders of the world? We may help many people but why aren't we doing something to stop these beggars? We can provide them shelter,provide them food. We can contribute to let them have a proper place to stay. Not giving them RM1 or RM2. Even if you give them RM100, you are not helping them. You are just letting those syndicate knows that they are making profit and more innocent lives will be harmed. I am so depressed 'bout this. Furthermore, Xu Wei Lun's funeral is today and I suddenly feel that life is so fragile. Anytime might be my time. There's still so many things I wish to achieve, so many things I want to do. In addition to that, Cheng Ling was talking about Armageddon and I feel that I don't want to leave just yet. I know these has not been on my mind for a long time and yes, it disturbs me and it makes me feel sad and down. That is why ah win keep complaining that I am not as cheerful as I was the past few days.

Apart from that, I can't believe Christian is out. My sisters and I believe that he lied to let Hafiz continue with the journey. We love him and yes, I love guys who are cute,funny and kind-hearted. Not some handsome ang mo kau who can't speak english properly or some arabian-face looking guy who is handsome and nothing else. So Christian, I still like you. XD

Death

How do you handle deaths? I used to be rather ignorant. I don't really know how it feels to lose someone u love until I was in form3. My aunt passed away and I cried like nobody's business. After that, I began to lose the feel. When my uncle pass away last year-September, I cried once and that's it. I didn't know why I did not cry. At times when I think of him, I will shed a tear. But I don't know why. Although I know that he is gone forever, it still feels like he is just resting at home. Am I denying the fact that he is gone or is it that I have accepted his death? This is just the same as Xu Wei Lun's death. The pretty actress who died of an accident. I just can't seem to believe it and still hoping that these are just lies. Just a movie, just a dream. Even if I have to retake my blardy driving again, I wish I could turn back time. I wish they will survive through it. I just wish they are not gone. =(

One year changes everything..

One year... Everything changes in just one year... Remember how we used to go around wishing our close friends happy birthday?? Remember how we used to spend our free periods making cards or signing on handmade cards?? Remember how we unsuccessfully tried to hide the presents and wanting to keep our friends in suspense? I can still remember how 'Emmoes' celebrated my 17 year old birthday for me. It was a Thursday I think. I was feeling rather down as no one actually remembered or wished me happy birthday. Being the ego person as I mentioned in the previous post, I did not ask them why or whether they still remember my birthday but deep down inside, I was rather uneasy thinking that they actually forgot my birthday. *I remember all of their birthday, trust me*

So the whole day was rather dull and nothing much happened.. Some not so close friends wished me while 'Emmoes' just buat bodoh. When the clock strikes 2.30 p.m, it's finally time to go back. I had physics extra class with Mr. Sa'adan or was it Chemistry class with Mr. Khoo? I can't remember that clearly. But I remember how they were waiting for me outside of my class with a bag in their hand and I saw Angeline walking to us. I was wondering what is that budak doing at that time because she should be at home now. Then i realize that they actually bought me gifts and they hid it from me. They did a superb job because I did not suspect them one bit. Okay, mayb a tiny lil bit but since there were no action, I casually ignore them. I love the teddie they gave me and it is a lil dirty now that I hug it to bed almost every night. Call me childish, call me silly, but teddies are one of the most precious collection I have and I don't have like 50-100 of them. Just 20 of them makes me happy. =)

Okay.. Back to the topic. At this time of the year, what will we see? We will see people selling pots of lime tree, pots of flowers. We will see people going everywhere looking for Chinese New Year clothing. We will see Chinese everywhere, even at the markets. Pasar malam or night market will be more pack than it has ever been. The stalls will be opened till 12 midnight and you will see 'people mountain people sea' there. You will see cookies being sold, Chinese New Year decoration everywhere. Cheong sam, red stuff everywhere. You can even smell the fragrant from the cookies that your neighbour makes *my neighbour makes me drool a lot*

In school, you will see students discussing bout what they bought for the celebration, you will see people planning on what to do during the festive season and last but not least, you will see pink envolope everywhere. PINK ENVOLOPE ! Those were the days when friends start giving you those pink envolope with greeting cards inside and no matter how stingy you were, you had to get some cheap cards to pass around too. At least to those who gave you. Some will pen down really thoughtful words and you will know that you are important because she gave that card to you. Some will just write

To, Ping Ping

(WHATEVER WORDINGS THE CARD HAS THAT ARE READILY PRINTED)

by, whoever

These will be the commercialize cards. Meaning they will buy in like dozens and send to everyone. Well almost everyone. I still feel that she is being thoughtful to give it to me but well, its rather not personal isn't it?? So I was saying that today, when WY passed the card to JL, I suddenly realized, HOW COME I DIDN'T BUY ANY CARD??? Just one year. 2006 when i don't celebrate that season with friends, I totally forgot bout it. But hey, why should we get a card when we can send it online? It's free and it's very environmental-friendly. So send an e-card today.. =) Wan Mei sure loves this line. Lol.

ps: yes, I can be distracted pretty easily. I beat around the bush and I think Miss Yeoh is not very happy with that. XD

Egotism kills...

I am sure many of us will agree that guys are very ego and they just sometimes won't give in to anyone so as to keep their pride *jaga air muka*. But hey, that doesn't happen to guys only. I too have that ego thingie deep inside me. Have you ever blurted out hurtful things that you never meant it to someone when he/she says something bad to you? For example, girl A says she hates you and you replied without thinking twice that you don't like her that much either although deep inside your heart, you once took her as your best pal. That is what ego people do to keep their face. Well, that's actually what I do. I don't know when or what or why I do that but that's what I do all the time. I know I hurt a few people once but hey, they actually did it to me 1st. So no guilt in me. Okay, perhaps a tiny whiny bit. XD

Even if I really really really like something, I will say I don't and lie to everyone including myself. At times I hate that nature of mine but I just do it all the time. No second thoughts. It's kind of spontaneous act. Because of my ego nature, I find some girls who plead and beg to be with the boyfriend back after quarrelling a bit not right. I personally will say yes if the boyfriend wants a break up even though that is not what I want and I will just act like I am okay with it. I mean I understand that everything else doesn't matter when you fall in love. But I thought begging and pleading is the guys' job. Of course you can ask for forgiveness if and only if the love is still there. The guy must still be in love with you then it is alright to plead and beg. But if the guy already say that he is over you, is it still okay to ask to get back with him? To me, it is not. Guys can anytime do the pleading because it shows that they are loyal. But girls? It shows that we are dependent, useless freak. Discrimination? Yes. But that's what everybody thinks. No? Worst still, I can still let the other person know that it is perfectly okay and no one should feel bad for the way the things turned out to be. Lol. I can be the not-useless-freak but I am a total freak on my own. XD

I can let go of something very dear to me just to show that particular person that "hey, I can do this on my own. I don't need anyone to live on." However, these things at times bring me to a slight depression because I do need my friends,my family and everyone I care to be with me. I need supports and love. Why do I push people away as soon as I found out that they lost a small little amount of interest to continue spending time around me? Why do I close myself out as soon as I feel a little coldness between me and other people? Is it the fear of rejection? The fear of being abandoned and the fear of being ignored? Is it that I rather be the person who calls it off rather than being called off? Does this pride matter that much? Will I able to bring this together again if I really put in effort to keep things the way they were or get better solutions other than cutting off all relationships? I don't know and I will not know until I really get rid of this habit of mine. It seems that people can come and be my friends and leave without considering how I would feel because I can act like I feel nothing when they leave and ever ready to smile to them when they are back. I make it look as if it doesn't matter at all. But deep inside me, I hate it. But just because I want to appear tough, I fake myself. I even help out without any condition. It makes people feel that it is alright because I will still be there and ever ready to help anyway. Trust me, I lent money to people and people just take them for granted and forget it. And I hate to ask back money because when money is in the conversation, you just stop talking. But please, don't come to me to borrow money after you read this alright? =) But to my close close friends, no, I don't ask money back not because I am shy or afraid to do so. I just feel like "belanja-ing" you.

well, I suppose Wei Wei is not interested in this post because its so serious, it can work as sleeping pills without any prescription or addiction or side-effect whatsoever.

ps: Shan Shan..Don't think too much. I can still tell you all of these that I've mentioned never happen before. Just like how you never experienced any of those you mentioned in your blog. Cool ye? XD