Father's Day

Everywhere I looked, I see messages and post about Father's Day and it makes me feel bad because I did not put up one. It is not that I don't have the time but I just don't have the inspiration. My dad is not the worst dad in the world but he is not the best either. People often tell me that my dad is an irresponsible person and that he does not deserve our concern.

I hate that whenever people started talking about it. It is because I feel that I am old enough to know what is right and what is wrong and I do not need people to tell me whether my dad is good or bad. I mean he is my dad, not yours. Of course you don't feel anything when you label him as "useless", "irresponsible" or much harsh words. I hate to go out with 'them' because that's practically what they say in the car all the time without thinking of our feelings.

I admit that my dad is not someone I can really be proud of and show to the world that THIS IS MY DAD! But no matter what he does, he is still my dad. HE IS MINE! NOT YOURS! I cannot say that I do not blame him or feel frustrated with him for what he did before but that is my problem. I can hate him or be angry with him for all I want and you got no rights to control me.

At times, I feel that my dad is a very pitiful person. I mean I felt horrible when we sent him back just now. He is old and late at night, when all of us return to our house, he had to return to his sister's house. But I know, he will suffer even more if he really moves in with us. There's too much gossiping and bad-mouthing in the house and some people just enjoy making other people's life miserable. It hurts me to see him like that but I cannot stand by him because whenever I tried doing so, he seems to manage to scar his name even further by doing something we are not proud of.

I do not understand why he did that but he just does it all the time. I lost hope and I gave up in standing by him. I rather to be on the fence and just keep quiet. I am after all the youngest and I get to escape from all these without problems. My eldest sis suffers the most and she felt the impact the most. This is because when my dad left, she was old enough to know what was happening. I was just a stupid 6 year old girl who adores Barbie. She spent the longest time with my dad and she got the most love which in the end hurt her more than ever.

This year's Father's Day, we went for a normal dinner. We intended to go for Japanese Food which did not include my mum and grandma because the latter does not like my dad very much. Too bad, the restaurant was full and we paid RM1 for the parking. So we decided to walk a bit to the nearest shop. My sis wanted to eat US Pizza but my dad seem to like the rice more, so we gave in and had a simple dinner with my mum, grandma and aunt. The food was nice. Seriously, every dish was great and we sent our dad back after that.

This year, no present for him. I really really hope that one day, he will realize that we will not give up on him and behave himself. Sound like a mum talking to a son? Well, I really hope that he will not do something that will disappoint us. He has done a lot and I think he should begin to stop everything. I really hope one day, everyone will see that he is not useless. That he deserves love and he deserves us to be with him. I never think that he is useless. Perhaps I am old enough now to know that we cannot blame him entirely. I was once a very innocent girl who believes what outsiders told me. Not anymore. I began to see things from my sister's point of views. I really hope that one day, we can all live together again. Although he did not take care of me very well when I was young, I do not want to do the same thing to him. That is not right. He did mistake and we should not do it.

Anyway, Happy Father's Day to all dads. Whether you are a good one or a bad one, you are still a dad.

This may not be the grand-est post on dad for such occasion but hey, I do not express myself that much in real life. I talk nonsense but keep important things inside. =)